Saturday, June 28, 2008
Is That Your Final Answer?
It has been decided. We are staying. I know, yesterday we had made our plans to go BACK to outer darkness - I mean, Utah. Our buyers loan fell through, after we were already a month past deadline. We were going to lose the house we are trying to buy here, but that seemed to be the least of our worries. We have a six month lease here and are supposed to be out next week. But going where? To a house that we own, in a state that holds nothing for us? Okay, not nothing. We do have great friends there, and for that I am indeed grateful. But Roger doesn't have a job there. I continually battle with feeling "trapped," both in the literal sense (15 miles to the nearest grocery store, 30 minutes to the closest Target/Walmart/Costco), but also in a....a way that I can't exactly describe. What is it about the whole everybody-drives-a-minivan-and-has-a-big-family-and-blue-eyes-and-a-cold-storage lifestyle that makes me want to SCREAM? And to top it all off, no school within our district that was able to provide the proper placement for Brendan. He was completely miserable. And the cold. Ohhh, the cold. We were fine, even coming from Arizona, with 30 degrees. And then the 20's. But when the temperature reaches -15 on our thermometer and the wind is a howling, I become a big baby. No wonder people started wearing shorts there when it hit 50 degrees. But we would go back, if that was the Lord's will. But sometimes the Lord's will is not so easily discerned. At least to me. Roger always says that that I lack a "medium" setting. When I am happy, it is infectious. When I am stressed or upset, he says the negative energy is so strong that it is almost physically painful to be in the same room. So to sift through my emotions and get down to the promptings is sometimes effortless, sometimes impossible. But through much deliberation and much prayer, we've arrived at a decision that it would seem could come only from above. We are staying. Here in Texas, the place that we love so much. A place that we feel connected to. Roger loves his job. The schools are fantastic and our children are flourishing. And anybody who knows me knows there are few things I love more than a good thunderstorm. We couldn't have picked a better spot for that. So, in the end, family happiness is trumping everything else. Just the way Heavenly Father would have it. Now where did I put that packing tape?